Useless Standards
Before we get into this, please take note: I am not advocating for shoddy work. I love good quality, delight, and amazement. I think making the effort to do work you're proud of is worth it.
Now, on to the topic.
We all like to say of ourselves that we have high standards. "I have high standards " is lauded as a desirable trait to have. It's something we say with pride. Nobody wants to be known for their sloppiness.
The problem is that we don't use our "high standards" selectively enough. We just apply them to everything.
Expectations are a tricky thing. On one hand, you can not get better at anything if you don't have expectations of yourself. On the other hand, most of our unhappiness comes from the monumental collision of our expectations with reality.
Often, we use high standards as an excuse not to do something. We don't publish our art because it does not meet our standards. We don't raise our voice, we don't write, we decide it's better not to try.
Many an artist has settled into permanent artist's block because they were unable to let go of their standards.
We also use high standards as a way to not engage with life. We dismiss relationships and opportunities. We don't have the yummy food at the slightly dilapidated-looking restaurant, we skip the get-together and the joy because we have high standards for a vacation. We lock ourselves up in an ivory tower of our own making.
The ivory tower is not a cosy place to live. It's beautiful. But nothing ever happens there.
So we need to be more specific about where high standards are useful.
If the fact that your standards are low is hurting you, you need to raise them. For example, if you tend to engage in toxic relationships, you do need to raise the standard for the treatment you will accept from other people and the kinds of people you let into your life. Boundaries are important.
However, raising your standards has diminishing returns. At some point, the joy you get for being pickier becomes less and less. Eventually, you reach the point where the very same standard that helped you be happier keeps you from doing more of what makes you happy.
If you are forever reluctant to do something, make something, or try something because you have high standards, maybe your standards need to be lower.
They're meant to be a filter, not a wall.
If you have criteria for rejection, you also need criteria for acceptance.
What's more, your standards have to be relevant and reasonable. Not dating a guy because his hair colour does not fit your type is not a useful standard to have. Is he kind and does he treat you well? Go out with him. Does he smell good? Go out more with him. Does he smell REALLY good even when he is not freshly showered? That's probably marriage material.
Not rejecting someone for their hair colour doesn’t mean you just lowered your standards.
It means you’re not letting irrelevant things get in the way of your next hot date.
