Culture Is Not "What's In The Movies"
"What do you mean there are no unions?"
That's just one of the many questions I exasperatedly asked my husband across the dinner table over the last couple of months.
I knew that health insurance was a problem in the US because I worked in the health insurance industry for a while. Other than the famous issues around medical insurance, though, I always assumed the US was not that different from Europe.
Alas, even three years into our relationship, the myriad ways our backgrounds differ and the ways in which that has shaped us keep cropping up.
Some of our differences are directly linked to our country's history.
For example, to my husband, Word War II memorabilia are an interesting historical curiosity. I get cold shivers down my spine every time I see one.
To me, "being southern" is an accent and a sundress. To him, it's much, much more.
There are plenty of obvious things like that. But there are also plenty of things that are related to the systems we grew up with and that we take for granted.
It never occurred to me, for example, that the way the pension and welfare systems in Germany and the US differ might impact my husband's definition of "financially secure". If I get sick, I'll be ok for a while. There are systems in place that will help me financially. If my husband can not work anymore, there is no such system. Ergo, his definition of "appropriate emergency savings" differs considerably from what I'd call "pretty well set up".
But it goes even further than that. Often, I don't understand certain debates that our American friends are wrapped up in because I am missing some emotional background. Sure, I can read up on what happened, but that's just factual knowledge. It will not make me feel the same way.
So, whenever I feel baffled by "the American response" to an issue, I now ask him "is there some American element that I am missing?". And often, there is. Whether it is personal finance or maternity, corporate culture or navigating political discourse, kindergarten or theatre - everything has more context to it than you see in the movies.
We might feel like we understand America because we consume a lot of American culture but I think that's an illusion.
Watching a documentary about the GDR or some movies set in Eastern Germany will help you understand why any kind of footage of the wall coming down always makes me bawl my eyes out. However, it will not give you the same feelings. You will not experience the same tears of relief and commemoration, reverence and joy. No matter how many documentaries you watch.
The same is true for America's issues. Or any issues in a different place.
Yes, we can learn about other cultures. But we can never "be raised in them". There is always that last bit of context, the last bit of pain, the last piece of joy that will be foreign to us.
In some way, we're all outsiders to each other.
