Taking a Nap

This was written last Saturday

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Today, I had a nap.

It's been a long time since I've done that, except on days when I was ill.

It's also been a long time that I've fallen asleep without an audiobook or something in my ear to help me drift off.

In the beginning, I thought I'd never calm down. I counted down my breaths backwards from one hundred. When I'd made it to zero, I still wasn't asleep. But I wasn't wide awake either. My mind had begun to wander and the urge to get up and do something else had gone.

So I stayed and let my thoughts drift along.

Before I knew it, it was an hour and a half later. I didn't have the sensation of waking up from deep sleep, but still, I'd "lost" a good deal of time so I must have been at least lightly asleep.

I like having naps. I used to siesta with my younger siblings even when I'd grown past the age where my mom would have made me nap. I just liked cuddling into bed with them for an hour or two in the afternoon. I think I only stopped sleeping in the afternoon when I went to boarding school at fourteen. When I was home on the weekends, I'd still climb into the big bed with my siblings for a good sleep, though.

Also, the time before I fall asleep doesn't have to be anxious or restless. I started listening to audiobooks to fall asleep during a difficult time in my early twenties where I couldn't find rest and was also working in shifts. I never got rid of the habit again even though, as it turns out, I might not really need "the distraction".

I enjoyed letting my thoughts drift and I remember that that was mostly what attracted me to the naps as a child. The sanctioned space and time to just be still and dream along.

What's more, the restlessness of "I want to get up" eventually wears off if I just stay put. I’d would not have guessed that.

So, perhaps it is time to reclaim some dream space.