I want to learn to have more of those without feeling as uncomfortable as I do. As soon as a discussion gets heated, I sort of feel like I am getting into a fight. Something gets muddled in my mind and frustration overrides my capacity to think clearly and dismantle the arguments of the "opposition".
I think I have to practise this more because the only other option is to avoid these discussions altogether and I don't see what good would come from that.
I think it is something about slightly raised voices and the body language that makes me uneasy. In my childhood, disagreements usually led to some sort of fight and subsequent punishment or tension that lasted for weeks and festered. There weren't any good examples of "we disagree about this one point but we still get along" or "we had an argument and now we are making peace".
I only remember harmony and chaos. Not much in between.
It took me a long time to understand the difference between "I don't like what you are saying" and "I don't like you". In terms of consequences, they were the same thing when I was little.
Right now, there is a spirited discussion going on in my dining room and I have so far successfully kept myself from distracting myself to not have to even listen to it. I am getting a little better. Bit by bit.
Anyway, I think the art of discourse and conversation is much neglected. Also, I believe that a peaceful exchange of ideas contributes greatly to peace and understanding. Once we put ourselves into someone else's shoes, we usually find out that we have much more in common than we thought.
So in this light, maybe spirited discussions are not only a form of debate and an opportunity to change someone's mind. Maybe, they are chiefly an opportunity to discover where, despite all our differences, we have common ground. A way to remember how human we all are.
