"I Understand" Doesn't mean "I Agree"

There is a lot of stuff in this world that I disagree with or disapprove of. I don't get why people are angry on the internet all the time. I don't get why it's so hard to be polite. I don't get why some people just can't let it go.

I don't get it.

Or do I?

The escalation of opinions around me over the last couple of years has made me reconsider the casual "I don't get it".

All of these opinions had to come from somewhere, no? Just saying "I don't get it" and "How could you" is a bit of a cop-out. Besides, it's not very useful.

So I looked and asked questions. I learned more about behaviour and how opinions are made. I learned that once someone has an opinion, it is very hard to change their mind. What we encounter on a daily basis has nothing to do with rational thinking. Most of our opinions have more in common with religious beliefs than with actual "critical thinking".

I think that part of the problem with the current conversation is a fundamental misuse of language.

We say "I don't understand" when what we really mean is "I don't agree" or "I don't approve".

Sure, "I understand" can also mean, "I think this is reasonable", but perhaps, a narrower use would be helpful. Especially given the fact that we all are very rarely reasonable.

How about we use "I understand" more like "I can follow the train of thought". That way, we'd be able to say "I understand where you are coming from but I disagree".

Perhaps, we'd also feel less bad for saying "I get it". After all, we wouldn't always also implicitly say "I agree".

There are many opinions, -isms, and behaviours in this world that we can explain and thus also understand but where we still disagree. Or where we simply don't feel the same.

Intellectually, we can understand the motivations of a serial killer but I sure hope that we never, ever feel the same way.

Next time you find yourself saying "I don't get it", question it. Take some time to really listen to the other person and then see if you really don't get it or if you just disagree.