Falling In With The Wrong Guy

I used to keep falling in love with the wrong guys. What’s more, I secretly liked to get unsuitable guys to seriously like me. It felt good. I was proud that I could be “whoever you need me to be”. I liked thinking of myself as adaptable and malleable. Fluid, just waiting to fill the gaps of someone else’s brokenness.

And throughout, I kept feeling more and more trapped, alienated, alone. I kept asking myself why nobody loved me the way I was. I felt horrible and like nobody could possibly love me. Ever.

Quite dramatic, I know. Alas, drama seems to be a common theme in our twenties and even though it sounds angsty and exaggerated now, it hurt something fierce at the time.

I didn’t realise that I was doing most of this to myself until I hit my late twenties.

Of course, nobody would love me the way I was. After all, I never was the way I was.

If you don’t show people who you are, how are they supposed to love you the way you are?

It’s an obvious truth. But those seem to be the hardest to learn sometimes.