I have always been a very tidal person. Both my moods and my physical energy can shift substantially from day to day, certainly from week to week. At work I am a burst of accomplishment on some days and nearly useless on others. I can always do the minimum, sure, but I do not always have access to all of my energy. sometimes I am just sluggish.
I've been beating myself up about this for the longest time. I tried meditation and changing what I eat. I did yoga, went for walks, improved my sleep.
I wouldn't say that the things I have tried did not benefit me at all. I do feel better overall, healthier and more in vibe with my life. I am much more attuned to what is going on and my autopilot-phases are much fewer and a lot further between. There is more awareness. More mindfulness and much more mental space.
But here is the thing: I am still unbalanced.
I am still too tired to think on some days and brimming with energy on others. My best work and my best ideas still come in rushes and cycles. I am tidal but to be fair, the overall water level increased by quite a bit.
Is that so bad?
Another word for balanced is "average". Sure, mathematically speaking, if I settled into a "medium day" consistently, I should get the same output that I am getting now. If I can make it slightly better than medium, my output would even increase.
But at what cost? Sure, I would not have absolutely useless days anymore but I would also not have anything close to inspired. I would just be "ok" at getting on with things all the time. I can point to a number of things without even thinking about it that I would not have accomplished on an "ok" day.
I think I need a little imbalance. I need to surge and rest.
And besides that. Who wants to be average?
