Your Boss Didn't Give You a Raise. That Was Irrational.
Imagine you've been working somewhere for more than a year. Chances are, you've asked for a raise at least once.
If you got everything you asked for, you can skip this article and go right to the part where you and I get into the virtual Margaritas to celebrate. Life is great! Things are going wonderfully! You. Are. Killing. It.
If, however, you haven't gotten what you wanted or, even worse, received a flat out rejection, save the Margaritas for later and stay with me.
Getting a "no" when asking for a raise sucks. Often, even though we tell ourselves that "it's just business ", it still hurts. To get over the hurt, we want to find an explanation.
Maybe the company is not doing well, or the economy is screwy. Perhaps our boss is an asshole. Or, we are just not good enough.
The worst three words ever.
Not good enough.
What a sucker punch. These three little words revolve in our minds and wreak more havoc than a major hurricane. Guarding against imposter syndrome is already hard. When we encounter rejection, though, our imposter syndrome grows into some freak version of Godzilla, tearing down whatever confidence we had left.
Shoving certificates at our lack of confidence
If you are anything like me, you have tried to address your feelings of inadequacy by getting more qualifications. You are the queen of professional development.
You take extra classes in the evening, read a ton of books, go back to university for an expensive degree, and get yet another certificate. But somehow, even though you have all the right pieces of paper and check all the right boxes, you don't see results.
So you think that if you just get the correct certificate, your boss will finally understand your value and stop arguing about it. You'd just get that raise. You have proved you deserve it.
I am not sure if this is a women-only problem, but I've seen it in more women than men.
We ask for a raise or a promotion. We put together a bunch of reasons for why we deserve it. We don't get it. We assume we didn't get it because we were not qualified enough. So we set out to become more qualified and think it will go better next time.
The problem is that our certificates have nothing to do with the rewards we get for our performance. Besides, it shouldn't be about pieces of paper. It should be about whether you do good work. My guess is, you're excellent at your job.
Assuming that having more qualifications will lead to a pay raise means you also believe that your boss is making a rational decision when he decides on "yes" or "no".
Nobody is reasonable
Unfortunately, there is plenty of scientific evidence that most of our decisions are completely unreasonable. The rejection you received from your boss was probably just a snap judgment, especially if the "no" came fast.
The truth is that most of our decisions are snap judgments. Very often, we decide first and only then look for evidence to support our decision. We post rationalise—a lot.
We all do this by the way—you, me, your mother in law, and — most importantly — your boss.
I first learned about this phenomenon reading Daniel Kahneman's book "Thinking, Fast and Slow ". In it, he explains the two ways our brain operates. He calls them "System 1" and "System 2" — "thinking fast" and "thinking slow".
System 1 and System 2
System 1 or "thinking fast" is the process your brain uses to make quick decisions on the go. It's your lizard brain at work. The good thing about System 1 is that it helps you decide at lightning speed. It's the part of your brain that helps you jump out of the way when a unicorn comes galloping at you at full speed. It is super useful and manages almost all of our daily life. It's also incredibly dumb.
Then there is what Kahneman calls our System 2 or "thinking slow". If you have ever made a pro and contra list to reach a decision, you've used your System 2. It's the part of your brain that calculates things based on evidence. It is smart and trainable but also, you guessed it, incredibly slow. That's why you don't use it very often. It takes ages to get to a decision and requires a lot of energy. In short, you'd never get out of the way of that unicorn in time.
The whole System 1 and System 2 situation would not be such a big problem if we were good at switching between them. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Unless we really make ourselves think about something and reason it out, preferably in writing, we are using our System 1 while we believe we are using System 2.
We think we decide rationally, but in reality, we just follow a hunch.
Now, back to your salary negotiation.
Your boss wasn’t thinking
When you didn't get that raise, and your boss told you it was because you were not qualified enough, you assumed that they were deciding rationally. You thought their System 2 was running the show, and the answers you were getting were well-thought-out feedback.
Unfortunately, it is far more likely that your boss made a snap decision not to give you the raise and then looked for a reason to explain it. The decision likely had more to do with something called "loss aversion" —nobody likes to spend more money on something they already have because it just feels like losing money.
Of course, that is not something anyone would say in a salary negotiation. After they made the decision, your boss quickly found a reason to explain it. In their defence, they did not know they were making an irrational decision. Once they came up with the explanation, the decision felt rational to them.
All of this happens in split seconds. System 1 runs on autopilot.
Unfortunately, you can not influence your boss' snap decision by fixing whatever they told you the problem was. You might as well try to convince lightning not to strike.
Let's assume they said to you that you lacked qualifications or a particular certificate. It sounds reasonable and, unless you have the certificate in question, you might believe them, especially when you are already struggling with imposter syndrome.
However, since they didn't use System 2 while they made the decision, the decision wasn't based on facts. Consequently, addressing the stated facts would not change the decision.
Think of it like trying to influence the outcome of a dice game by getting a certificate in dice-throwing-techniques. You might throw the dice with more flair, but the results would still be random. Unless you're cheating. Are you cheating?
Getting System 2 involved
I realise that being at the mercy of a boss who uses the mental equivalent of throwing dice to decide your financial future seems daunting.
Thankfully, there are ways to encourage people to use their System 2 and think about things before making a decision. You already know about the pro and contra list. You can also try these:
ask them to explain their reasoning in more detail
ask them to be specific
ask them to commit to goals in writing
ask them to sleep on it
Mainly, anything you can do to slow down your boss' thought process and get them to think through their reasoning will help—the more detailed, the better.
Unless you can make sure your boss is "thinking slow", you might be better off having them toss a coin instead.
Should you get a raise?
Heads for yay, tails for nay.
Good luck!
