Between Genius and Mush — My Energy Levels

Some days I am on fire. I get everything done and even have enough energy left to sort out all my socks. I move through the day along invisible rails of clarity. It feels like I am one inch of reverb away from an Enya song.

On other days, I feel like making a sandwich requires a degree in three-dimensional geometry and I am lucky if I can string two sentences together.

If you looked at my energy levels, you'd think I was a distant relative of the North Sea. Tidal but somewhat regular. Prone to intermittent spring floods or longer spells of very low water.

I used to think that this was very, very bad. I felt like I had to function "the same" all the time. Of course, in my mind, "the same" meant "the highest setting". I thought that my super good days were how I was supposed to be all the time and the rest was just meh.

Of course, that's a pretty big delusion.

We often designate our best-case scenarios as "normal". Instead of picking what makes mathematical sense, the average or middle, as our baseline, we hold ourselves to the unachievably high standard of our most glorious days. I don't know if it is just wishful thinking or a serious cognitive error that causes us to do this. Probably both.

The truth is, that all of us have varying levels of energy and clarity. Even if you have bio-hacked your day within an inch of a microdose, you will still have days that are better than others. It's normal.

It's how your body works.

It's how my body works.

So, instead of using a lot of energy to try and fight the tidal nature of my faculties, I just wait for the dumb to recede and for smarts to come back in.

When I have a genius day, I use it up completely. I don't waste my good days on low-energy activities. I do as much of the hard stuff as I can. I write more than usual, record something extra, finally get to the closet in the hallway, and drive all the broken furniture to the trash yard.

I get ahead of myself. I save up "done things" for a rainy day.

Because sooner or later, I'll have one of those “can’t make a sentence”-days, too. Some of my low days are predictable (hi, cycle!) but some of them just come calling unannounced.

Whatever the case may be, when they come, I just shrug and do as best I can.

I do what is necessary and then go to bed early.

I have worked ahead enough on my good days to not feel like one bad day Is going to put me behind. I also know that my dumb days pass and that sleep fixes almost everything.

All I have to do is make it until bedtime.

So I do.

Guilt-free.

Because the tide might be low right now, but it will rise again tomorrow.