Fear of Rejection, Nice Houses, and Banks

We went to see a house today.

It made me queasy. Not because the house was awful or something.

It made me queasy because I have never bought a house before. Or seriously considered buying one. The closest I ever got was "just taking a look".

My brain has a pretty easy time dealing with the idea of buying a house as long as it is just on Zillow. I love crunching the numbers and coming up with ideas for what to do with the house. I like thinking up businesses to run out of the garage of the house or deciding what would work best in the retail unit downstairs.

I like the hypotheticals of houses.

But when we go look at one, my heart starts racing and I never want to look at houses again.

Because what if I like it?

The house we looked at today...I liked it. I also liked the numbers on it.

But the next step would be to talk to the bank.

What if the bank hates me?

I think I am not afraid of houses but of banks. They are like those judgmental grandparents who really, really don't approve of you. Well. They could be. Theoretically.

I think what I am most afraid of isn't the financial commitment.

It's finding out if the bank would give me a loan.

What if they don't?

Meh.

But what if I do?

Better talk to the bank about the house for practice.

Besides, my grandparents are really nice.