Acknowledging The Crazy
Sometimes, I have very interesting mood swings. Mostly, when I am in the throes of PMS. Or stressed. Or tired. Or cold.
When I burst into tears because my son forgot to put a plate into the dishwasher, I know that something out of the ordinary is going on.
These emotional surges used to feel like the truth to me. My brain went a little like this:
"I am crying uncontrollably and that is extraordinary and I am usually not doing that ergo something really bad must be happening. Sean not putting the plate into the dishwasher means he is disrespecting me and doesn't care about me. THAT IS REALLY BAD FREAK OUT NOW!"
Whenever I was feeling bad, I assumed there had to be a reason so I looked for one.
The thing is, if you look for reasons, you always find something.
Even if it is something small, as soon as my emotional brain latches onto it, it summons a whole mountain range out of a molehill.
These days, I know that my feelings are not truthful and adequate reflections of what is going on. Even in the deepest pit at the bottom of a mood swing, I am usually aware of what’s going on.
Unfortunately, it awareness does not save me from the mood swing. My feelings still go for a roll all over the place sometimes and I can't do much about it except go somewhere quiet and wait for them to pass.
Of course, not looking for a reason anymore and accepting that "sometimes I just feel bad" is helpful. It helps me avoid escalation. There is no more drama when I feel bad. I just do and then I don't.
And yet, I am still acting crazier than I'd like on when it hits me badly. What's more, it usually affects the people who least deserve to have a mood swing bashed into their face. My husband is patient and reassures me that he still loves me, even if I am not in full emotional control, but I still feel bad when he has to tell me for the fiftieth time that “yes, I still think you’re pretty even when you’re crying”.
So, it is important to acknowledge these temporary bouts of insanity.
I have a mood tracker for this. It helps me reassure myself that I am not feeling bad very often.
It also helps me communicate to my husband that I am aware of my emotional upheaval.
In the middle of my bout of crazy, I will usually pause for a second and then look up to him:
"Does this mean I'll have to log mood swings?" I'll ask with chagrin.
"Yes, I think you should", he tells me reassuringly.
This brief, formulaic exchange serves two purposes:
I can let my husband know that I am aware of myself. I can tell him that I realize that my emotional state is "significant enough to get logged". By saying "I'll log mood swings", I can communicate all of this without having to say something hurtful like "I am completely off the rails right now". I can say that I am taking myself seriously without putting myself down.
My husband, in turn, can communicate the same to me without using any words that might accidentally set me off even more. Chances are, I'd probably not react well to him telling me "you're really emotional" while I am in the throes of it. So, just reassuring me and telling me "yes, I think you should log this", lets him support me and agree with me without "making it worse".
I think finding ways to acknowledge our mental state both for ourselves and others is very important. It helps us communicate and it reassures the people around us.
There is a big difference between saying "I am a bit off the deep end but I can't really help it, please bear with me while I hit my reset button" and "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I AM NOT REASONABLE?"
